scard to be a lone

every day and night i had dreams a bout my death not like normal death like dieing in a friends arms and every time i see it i know soon it will happen and no one going to stop it i have so much to do for every one ealts when is it my trun to get marred or even have kids and i cant do that no one loves me even vampiers have left me now why did this happen to me i hate that im lonley and no one want to help me out and now im lost for  words or even hugs or even feelings every things even in my dreams DOSE ANY ONE LOVE ME do i have to walk a lone i hope not do i feel loved no do i feel like no one knows how it feels to be called a out cast kid yes i do i know that there a lot of things to do for who u are and what u do i life for me it harder then u know i feel like no one want to know me at all i feel like it then u know this is me faceing the music and ur not here to see it im all was crying i dont care if u want to know or not but im here in thos world and it get way to lonley and im here to say ur not a lone but u have for got me and it sad for the last time i blog it was a lonley road u did not come to look for me or love me and tell me to move on ur not a good friend u hit me like a rain storm u did not say i want u to be happy and move on u did not say hey christie here my hand and ull never have to be sad why did i go threw this and god i love u so much u been there for me when im sad down broken and dont feel loved by any one and u all ways there when im sad i never told any one but it time to say it who going to be there for me if i need it im aking im not demanding it i want to know some of u had said ill be there for u and umm not true and im mad that u left me on a road that u where there and know ur not here why is it me loseing every thing every one and even my vampier friends to are u kidding me and know i feel like no one here it done over im going to brake walls and i did and now u know if u brake a promis then u brake a hug and my heart and u never cared dont u know im almost 26 and if i was marred every one in the world would come and bands to im lost to say this but dont make me sad come to me ask me if im ok if im not let me cry on u and no one has offer that to me until know im so mad at any one who make fun of kids who have disabilitys and it not good to know that i had a friend who killed him self becuse of it  good time to say it love happyness hope and dont look down